You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
They took my balls.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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