i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
