Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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