her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
