My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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