Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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