Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
