Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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