My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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