You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
