How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
