i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
