Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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