just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
