So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
