You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
