I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
