I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I need a beard to bite.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
