its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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