Christians are straight up FREAKS
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
