We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
