He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
