We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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