so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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