He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
