Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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