My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
