We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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