a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
