I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
