I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
