Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
