my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
FUCK WHALES
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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