I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'm having to shit out rocks
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
