So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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