I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
