can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
A bitchslap is in order.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
