Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
