he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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