Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
That accounts for only three of the penises
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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