I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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