I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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