mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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