heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
