walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
