wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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