Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
