I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
