Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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