Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
