so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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