it's like iHOP with fire
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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