She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
